Due To The Current Atmosphere…
Recently, the editor was on a trip with his girlfriend when he was followed by a police van that was tailgating him. As the editor was quite pissed off he decided to take a picture in order to put a complaint in to his local police station. However, the police pulled him over and cautioned him, saying the now immemorial phrase “due to the current atmosphere, you shouldn’t take pictures of police vehicles, as we cannot be sure of your intentions’. Needless to say, when I was informed, I immediately vowed death and destruction to the neo-cons and their spineless allies in Downing St. When I calmed down and stopped foaming at the mouth, I immediately thought of other farcical situations where this phrase would be use to further curtail our liberties in the name of the war on terror. So here goes:
Due to the current atmosphere…
You cannot ask for directions if you are lost as this could be interpreted as gathering intelligence for furtherance of terrorist activities
You must hold conversations at a decibel level equivalent to that of football fans chanting at a match so as to discourage conspiracies in fomenting terrorist actions
You must immediately inform your nearest police station if you see a group of more than 2 people loitering in one area for more than 5 minutes (and inform the armed forces if they are dark skinned)
You have the right to note down the number plate of any dark skinned person seen in a vehicle
You do not have the right to insult or defame the character of our Glorious President Tony Blair or his Esteemed Ally in the War on Terror George W Bush
You cannot read material (books or otherwise) that contains the words “USA is a threat to world peace” or similar derogatory comments against the Saviour of the Free World
You must inform the necessary authorities if your family members express any doubts as to the righteousness of our cause
You cannot pass wind except at your place of residence as this could be misinterpreted as a chemical attack
There could be countless more pointless directives issued in the name of the War on Terror, but the point I’m making is that we should all be vigilant in the face of this assault on our liberties or one day you will wake up to find a jackboot stamping on your face, forever….
“Those who trade liberty for security deserve neither”
Thomas Jefferson