09.07.05
A Realspeak guide to Bushspeak
So yet again the spawn of Satan has managed to blow away any sense of credulity in his address to the nation at Fort Bragg concerning the war that won’t go away – Iraq
Mentioning the phrase 9/11 no less than 5 times, I feel it necessary to provide a commentary on his speech and the real meaning behind his words.
Let’s begin:
Bushspeak (BS): The soldiers and families of Fort Bragg have contributed mightily to our efforts to secure our country and promote peace. America is grateful and so is your commander in chief.
Realspeak (RS): The soldiers and families of Fort Bragg have contributed mightily to our efforts to ensure us rich white folks don’t serve on the frontline and continue to drive our $50,000 SUVs
BS: Their aim is to remake the Middle East in their own grim image of tyranny and oppression by toppling governments, driving us out of the region and exporting terror.
RS: Our aim is to remake the Middle East in our own image of tyranny and oppression by supporting dictatorships that toe our line and allow us to import Shock and Awe to those fucking Ay-rabs.
BS: Iraq is the latest battlefield in this war.
RS: But you can bet your ass Eye-ran is next!!
BS: Our mission in Iraq is clear. We are hunting down the terrorists. We are helping Iraqis build a free nation that is an ally in the war on terror.
RS: Our mission in Iraq is clear. We are hunting down the resistance. We are forcing Iraqis to build a puppet nation that will do as we say.
BS: The work in Iraq is difficult and dangerous. Like most Americans, I see the images of violence and bloodshed.
RS: The work in Iraq is difficult and dangerous. Like most Americans, I see the images of violence and bloodshed. That’s why your sons and daughters are there and mine aren’t.
BS: And when the Middle East grows in democracy, prosperity and hope, the terrorists will lose their sponsors, lose their recruits and lose their hopes for turning that region into a base for attacks on America and our allies around the world.
RS: And when the Middle East grows in hatred, the terrorists will increase their support, gain more recruits and expand their plans for turning that region into a base for attacks on America and our allies around the world – thus giving us another excuse to kill more Ay-rabs.
BS: We see the nature of the enemy in terrorists who exploded car bombs along a busy shopping street in Baghdad, including one outside a mosque. We see the nature of the enemy in terrorists who sent a suicide bomber to a teaching hospital in Mosul.
RS: We also bomb civilians, hospitals and mosques, but we’re Americans and therefore the good guys, so it’s ok.
BS: The terrorists, both foreign and Iraqi, failed to stop the transfer of sovereignty. They failed to break our coalition and force a mass withdrawal by our allies. They failed to incite an Iraqi civil war.
RS: The terrorists failed to stop the installation of our puppets. They’ve failed to incite a civil war because they’re all fighting us.
BS: And they failed to stop Iraqis from signing up in large numbers with the police forces and the army to defend their new democracy.
RS: And they failed to stop Iraqis from signing up in large numbers with the police forces and the army to defend their new democracy, despite the number of infiltrators and those who run away at the first shot.
BS: In the past year, we have made significant progress.
RS: We’ve opened a MacDonalds and Starbucks in Baghdad.
BS: We are improving roads and schools and health clinics and working to improve basic services like sanitation, electricity and water. And together with our allies, we will help the new Iraqi government deliver a better life for its citizens.
RS: We’re building bases, oil pipelines and bunkers, while privatising the Iraqi infrastructure to our companies – making me and my buddies even more rich.
BS: Thus far, some 40 countries and three international organisations have pledged about 34 billion dollars in assistance for Iraqi reconstruction.
RS: While we spend the same amount in a month blowing them up.
BS: Iraqi forces have fought bravely helping to capture terrorists and insurgents in Najaf, Samarra, Fallujah and Mosul.
RS: Only for us to lose those cities to the insurgency.
BS: And in the past month, Iraqi forces have led a major anti-terrorist campaign in Baghdad called Operation Lightning, which has led to the capture of hundreds of suspected insurgents.
RS: Who cares if half of them are old men and kids that have never fired a gun in their lives?
BS: Our coalition is devoting considerable resources and manpower to this critical task.
RS: Yep, that draft is coming real soon.
BS: We will stay in Iraq as long as we are needed and not a day longer.
RS: Until the oil runs out.
BS: Before our coalition liberated Iraq, Libya was secretly pursuing nuclear weapons. Today the leader of Libya has given up his chemical and nuclear weapons programs.
RS: Despite the fact Gaddaffi had already stopped any such programmes in 2002.
BS: Across the broader Middle East, people are claiming their freedom.
RS: From US sponsored regimes
BS: In the last few months, we have witnessed elections in the Palestinian territories and Lebanon.
RS: Many of whom hate us more than the Iraqis do.
BS: Our strategy to defend ourselves and spread freedom is working.
RS: So my bestest friend Professor Liebstraum tells me when he tucks me in bed.
BS: They wear no uniform; they respect no laws of warfare or morality.
RS: And we don’t give a shit about the UN.
BS: America and our friends are in a conflict that demands much of us. It demands the courage of our fighting men and women.
RS: As long as it’s you out there and not me.
BS: To the soldiers in this hall, and our servicemen and women across the globe: I thank you for your courage under fire and your service to our nation.
RS: While I cut Veterans Administration funding even further.
BS: I have met with families grieving the loss of loved ones who were taken from us too soon.
RS: Ok, maybe a couple, and only if I know they voted Republican.
BS: And to those watching tonight who are considering a military career, there is no higher calling than service in our Armed Forces.
RS: To protect people like me and the top 5% of the wealthy in America.
BS: Our enemies are brutal, but they are no match for the United States of America and they are no match for the men and women of the United States military.
RS: Despite the fact we ain’t got a clue where they are.
BS: Thank you. And may God bless America.
RS: And rain hellfire on the rest of the world.
Need I say more………?